Fear is another form of attachment. This is usually translated as “ love ,” and it means excellence both in character and acts of service to God. We tend to want the person to be only ours. Selfishness may not be obvious in most relationships. As such, love may flow from us equally toward all beings or it can glow freely without needing to be directed to anyone. A lot of times we think that love is just for those we like and those close to us. Love is a powerful, positive energy that is necessary for a healthy balance between mind, body and spirit. Similarly, to love only in optimal conditions is not real love. Fear causes many disagreements and hate because we are afraid. Love entails compassion. They tend to become jealous, angry and upset. They think that fighting for love is love. Love of a Partner refers to romantic love–the emotional sense of being in love with someone else. The four aspects of love in Buddhism were described by Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh in a short book titled: True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart. Before there were self-help books or relationships therapists, the oldest religion in the world, Hinduism, laid out a straight-forward approach to love. 11. God created all of humankind with this excellence, excellent qualities of character and the ability to serve God. From the Buddhist perspective, love is most definitely real. This means looking after our needs, not in a selfish way but in a self nurturing way. In the teaching of the Buddha, true love needs four elements. You are more likely to have rewarding, non-harming relationships if that is in fact your goal. While Buddhism cannot exist without love, it may be helpful to realize that love can exist happily apart from Buddhism. Love that involves clinging, lust, confusion, neediness, fear, or grasping to self would, in Buddhist terms, be seen as expressions of bondage and limitation. The Pali word metta —the name for the powerful Buddhist meditation on lovingkindess—means the nature of a friend ( Mit-tassa’Sa’-bhavo). Love is not selfish or self-seeking, it is something that that liberates. Love, when it’s true, is mature and … In the day to day sense many people mistake love as holding on to someone and clinging on to a feeling. What is love and what is attachment. This understanding is based on the ambitions, the desires and the trouble… Universal Love refers to the love that flows through the Tao and connects all things. It is when we pick people up instead of putting them down. Even if death comes, we do not feel pain because we are thankful that we had the experience of having that person join us even for a short time. “If you truly loved yourself, you could never hurt another.” The first step in truly finding love is … We expect people that we love to act a certain way towards us. And because everything fades away, we do not expect anything to be with us forever. The vast majority believe it to be an obstacle on the path to enlightenment, perceiving it as selfish. Minerva is the translator of The Lotus Sutra: A Beautiful Translation with Deep Love from a Lay Buddhist Practitioner. It only requires a willingness to develop innate capacities. We get jealous and angry. This definition means that 'love' in Buddhism refers to something quite different from the ordinary term of love which is usually about attachment, more or less successful relationships and sex; all of which are rarely without self-interest. They also tend to fear being alone. Loving kindness is one of the most important teachings of Buddhism. Love that involves clinging, lust, confusion, neediness, fear, or grasping to self would, in Buddhist terms, be seen as expressions of bondage and limitation. It is the feeling of a still pond that reflects the sky on it’s surface. … In romantic love, if you are not able to help the other person be happy, that is not true love. Buddhist text do not delve too deeply into the idea of marriage because Buddhism leaves the decision to marry up to each individual person. Maitri is translated into kindness or benevolence. By understanding the person you love, you will, in turn, learn how to love them. It is the sort of love that cares and nurtures. And it is supported by appreciating each manifestation of love that we encounter. If people engage in sexual relationship, in Buddhism, this is done without sharing your partner with others. Christians should abandon the lower love, or perhaps transmute it into the higher love—to let sexual desire grow into “true love,” and that into “godly love.” But Buddhism has no such ladder to the stars; it does not cherish such distinctions. Love mixed with attachment and dependency is unstable. For the Buddha, love is one of the paths to full spiritual liberation. We appreciate our time here in this plane of existence. This entails learning how to include love’s presence while we speak to others, are in conflict with others, and are living with others. Perhaps this is what he had in mind when the Dalai Lama said his religion is kindness. Karma and Samsara – Action, Causality and Rebirth. Love according to Buddhism is much different than love according to the Western world. They fear death. True love is strength. Lovingkindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and a particular form of equanimity are the four kinds of love taught and encouraged in classic Buddhist teachings. Compassion is also helping those who need our help. Love VS. Attachment. Not a few Buddhist meditators have experienced great love while in meditation, only to have it disappear quickly outside of meditation. Love is universal. We become afraid of being hurt. On the other hand, sex within marriages can be abusive, and marriage doesn't make that abuse moral. We also appreciate those who hurt us, because they teach us patience. As with a treasure behind a locked door, we can find the key that allows us to open the door of love; like a muscle, love can be strengthened through practice. And that is the goal in Buddhism for all your relationships—from family to strangers. Read the Sacred Texts and Teachings of the Buddha on this site. What Does Buddha Say About Psychic Powers, Keen Psychics Review From a Buddhist Perspective, The Basics of Buddhism: A Super Crash Course, The Four Noble Truths and The Eightfold Path Explained, What Does the Buddha Say About Psychic Powers and Miracles. Love is giving respect to all life. Learning the ways of these four loves does not require one to become a Buddhist. Love Thy Neighbor & Thyself. Attachment causes pain because when we tightly hold on to something, we lose our freedom. To be “free” only when things are pleasant is not real liberation. To become happy and satisfied in love, you need to start by understanding these three loves. Traditionally, it’s broken into two parts. 3. To understand this apparent contradiction we must first define the Buddhist concept of love. It seems that Buddhists are simply saying, “We think you can leave sex out of religion. Selfishness requires people we “love” to act certain ways around us, while loving kindness allows them to just be. It is often times called spiritual love or brotherly love. Although monogamous marriage is ideal, Buddhism generally takes the attitude that sex between two people who love each other is moral, whether they are married or not. Attachment is holding on to something which is unnatural to us. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to de-tachment and the unselfish interest in others' welfare. The Buddha is perfect because a perfect being is unconditioned. It can be easy to love all beings in the abstract, but it can be a great challenge to do so when we have to live with them. But a lot of times, attachment causes us to be angry. When boundless, love without any particular object is recognized in Buddhism as a form of liberation. The Buddha taught that the sincere practice of inquiry leads to an inner experience of freedom and that compassion and loving-kindness are states which arise naturally from this freedom. This is the kind of happiness we draw from the small wonders given to us but not claiming them us our own. 'Love' is a concept central to the world's major religions. It is when you forget blame but instead show kindness and mercy. Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. Appreciative joy is the total opposite of attachment. None of these are uniquely Buddhist; they are four qualities of heart that reside within everyone, at least as potentials. It comes with a total feeling of comfort, knowing that you haven’t caused pain or suffering to anyone.Instead, you’ve helped bring them joy. The capacity for joy and happiness for the person you love. Even practicing loving-kindness for the time it takes to snap the fingers is beneficial. But this compassion is not just compassion for others, but also compassion for oneself. Seven Years In TibetWhere would a list of Buddhism films be without this '90s classic starring Brad … It is also understanding that there is nothing permanent in life and that everything is fleeting. Attachment causes DUKKHA or suffering. -Buddha “ Love the whole world as a mother loves her only child.-Buddha “ Radiate boundless love towards the entire world — above, below, and across — unhindered, without ill will, without enmity.-Buddha “ Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.-Buddha “ Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. How Buddhism Regards Marriage Buddhism, for the most part, considers marriage to be a secular or social contract and not a religious matter. It is complementary to wisdom, and is necessary for enlightenment. But these forms of love are not the kinds of love that Buddhism teaches. This definition means that 'love' in Buddhism refers to something quite different from the ordinary term of love which is usually about attachment, more or less successful relationships and sex; all of which are rarely without self-interest. So as you see, in Buddhism, Love is Liberation. Romantic love can exist within moral love however it is the non-romantic mutual life goals & qualities that are the most important criteria in Buddhism for a lasting relationship (refer to AN 4.55). It is never demanding or hurtful. Buddha quotes about loving your life. Loving kindness is one of the most important teachings of Buddhism. Compassion teaches us to be kind to ourselves and not hold on to fear. Freedom from suffering is Enlightenment; it is Nirvana. Buddhism sees love at it’s core. In Buddhism, there is a concept called the four sublime states, translated usually as loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. Pain – The truest forms of love does not cause pain, but brings about joy and bliss. She founded a website - Lotus Happiness - to share her experience in the areas of Buddhism, Spirituality and Self-Actualization for the benefits and happiness of humanity. True love is like a light in a dark tunnel that leads the way. Love is an experience of being whole. However, it doesn’t exist in the way that Americans imagine. And lack of freedom causes us to struggle. In this book, the author doesn’t just talk about romantic love but all kinds of loving relationships, including the one you should have with yourself. Attachment comes in many forms. At lot of times people misconstrue attachment for love. If the person we love does … Buddhism provides a view on unconditional love that is not as philosophically challenged. So you see, love is NEVER ABOUT ATTACHMENT. You can harness the ability of Maitri by truly looking at the one you love and developing a deeper understandingof who they are as a person. We also let go of fear when we have equanamity. Equanamity is the state of mental calmness. It means not being angered by others around us. Appreciative joy means valuing each and every second given to us. Yet its meaning may be vastly different from one religion to another, and especially different from any lay meanings of the word love. Buddha was born as Siddhartha Gautama. In Buddhism, we are taught to seek out freedom. But in order to understand the kind of Love that Buddhism teaches we must first differentiate Love vs. Attachment. Loving kindness is also being kind to others. In Buddhism, kama is sensuous, love. We become afraid of death. Love is pure and considerate. Buddhist Symbols and their Meanings – Hand – For Love, Peace, Strength, Enlightenment and Protection zBuddhism is an Indian religion based on the message that Buddha, promoted and taught. The connection is so strong that Buddhism, often known as a Path of Freedom, could equally be called a religion of love. What is love and what is attachment. We cannot recognize love in others unless we have it for ourselves. Teachings about the four forms of love existed in India prior to the Buddha – they were elements common to the Indian spiritual world which he included within his system of practice. This causes suffering on both parties. In their most developed forms, the four types of love can each become a boundless radiance glowing from us. Each drop of practice is significant and, as the Buddha said, “with dripping drops of water, the water jug is filled.”, © 2020 Insight Meditation Center - 108 Birch Street, Redwood City, CA 94062 - (650) 599-3456 -, Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License, Dharma Circle for People of Asian Background, Meeting in Concord: Working for Unity in a Divided World, Capping off 2020: Equanimity of Mind and Heart. Buddhism sees love at it’s core. But this is the person you love the most, so you suffer deeply, and the last thing you feel like doing is to ask that person for help… So now it is your pride that is the obstacle to reconciliation and healing. In Buddhism, it’s a pure feeling that you give unselfishly to another living being. About Minerva Lee. We want their time and attention. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself—if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself—it is very difficult to take care of another person. We become afraid of losing people. Thay answers questions on 21 June 2014. Love is never angry. But in order to understand the kind of Love that Buddhism teaches we must first differentiate Love vs. Attachment. This is not only the desire to make someone happy but the ability to do so. Granting that this is a terribly difficult discrimination for most people to make — confusing love with obsession is typical of almost everyone in almost every place — it's still an important discrimination to make. Buddhism does not contradict romantic love; Buddhism contradicts romantic obsession. In Buddhism, marriage is not a religious obligation, a means for procreation , or a romantic notion of love. It means trying to understand what causes others to be hateful and angry and not reciprocating that anger. It is not just being kind to the person we think we love but being kind to all. True love is never selfish, it is giving and kind. We try to make them stay. From a Buddhist Perspective. The Buddha made it clear that a one-size-fits-all approach was not only dangerous but also mistaken in its premise that all sentient beings are the same, when they clearly are not. When they fail to achieve this expectation, we get hurt and become resentful and ANGRY. Self-Love Advice From The Buddha Self-love is vital for health and happiness. Many people think that attachment is just selfishness but it is not. The Buddhist tradition has developed a range of practices and reflections designed to develop our capacity to love. It mustn’t be a matter of “falling in love,” nor must it be accepted in whatever degree or frequency it happens to appear. 12. Remember that anything that is not inherent to us causes us suffering and thus, attachment causes suffering. It is the love that frees oneself from claiming. The first element is loving kindness or maitri, which means the capacity to offer happiness. It is a way to achieve Nirvana and freedom. God has a feeling of closeness and love toward the excellence that he created in … Is it possible to forget it? It is one thing to love and another to express that love in daily life. If love is the presence, the sacred consciousness, the Divine expansiveness, is it possible to subtract from it, remove from it, and delete it from your consciousness? Buddhist love is deeply impersonal; more than that, it’s universal. We need to learn to be compassionate to ourselves to fully show others love. Instead, in Buddhism it refers … They think that holding on is love. Karuṇā is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others. Because freedom is the guide, the measure, and the ultimate goal of all things Buddhist, Buddhist love includes those forms of love that are characterized by freedom. Lovingkindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and a particular form of equanimity are the four kinds of love taught and encouraged in classic Buddhist teachings. Love is gives bliss, not only in happy times but also in those moments of trials and tribulations. One of the most rewarding spiritual practices is to cultivate the ability to bring love into all aspects of our life and to all people we encounter. Buddhism teaches love is important in order to attain Nirvana. Love in Buddhism has a feeling of closeness with others, but it isn’t based on whether they also love and care for us, and so there’s no dependence on anyone. Question 5 Help us caption & translate this video! This love is not the selfish love. Buddhism teaches love is important in order to attain Nirvana. But many times, people misunderstand love. But it is not. You may have every intention to love someone, but the waythat you love may make them unhappy. The qualities of love are truths that are so simple, they often go unnoticed. Equanamity allows a person to find grace and composure even in the moments of great distress. Just as blood nourishes the heart which keeps it flowing, so love nourishes spiritual freedom and is, in turn, kept flowing by it. Compassion is needed in order to really love. But that is not love. We also appreciate people around us. “Our theories … It means that when a beloved dies, we do not become angry or we do not feel loss because we know that we had spent a wonderful time with them. When we love, we accept and we forgive. While this can be a daunting task, it begins with having the intention to do so. “What we think, we become.” – Buddha. If we call Buddhism a religion of love we need to be clear what we mean by love, or more precisely, what forms of love we are including. Close friendships and intimate relationships are not only approved of in Buddhism; you may find that Buddhist practice makes your relationships healthier and happier. When we learn compassion, we forget fear. Simple in its essence, and yet powerful in its application, and taken from the the roots of Bhakti yoga, these basic love … According to the teaching of the Buddha, in true love there is no place for pride. 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